Infertility etiquette

We've been trying for 1 yr and 8 months to conceive our first child. It was very difficult for me to "come out" to family members. Mostly b/c I was in denial. It was easy to tell friends but I was too embarrassed to tell others. I recently told some important people in my life of my situation and I actually got the classic rude lines such as "well if you don't stress you will get pregnant" & "God has a plan for you and it must not be your time to conceive" & "I hope you don't become one of "those" people who becomes so obsessed with getting pregnant!" I was in disbelief! My own MIL thought it was ok to tell everyone she knew, that her son couldn't get me pregnant. She even joked about it right in front of me. She said, take my husbands sperm, he doesn't have a problem getting me pregnant! And a few other things. I politely asked her not to talk about our condition to other people, esp those I don't even know. But I was not mad at her b/c how would she know the proper etiquette? It's taken us sooo long to talk to people about this mostly b/c I absolutely hate the attention it may bring. I definately do not want people to feel sorry for me. I don't want anyone to stop their lives. And I don't want people to just feel different around me b/c of my "situation." But out of respect and compassion I would love for people to just take a quick look at the proper etiquette of dealing with a friend or loved one with infertility. I will try to sum some of them up.

Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.
As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. Most infertility treatments involve using hormones, which alter the user's moods. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money. Infertility treatments are expensive, and most insurance companies do not cover the costs. So, in addition to the pain of not conceiving a baby each month, the couple pays out anywhere from $300 to five figures, depending upon the treatment used.
Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.

Don't tell them to relax: Infertility is a diagnosed medical problem. You're given a whole year of trying to become pregnant before being diagnosed w/infertility. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.
Don't Minimize the Problem: Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.
Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen
Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents
Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF:IVF is expensive w/low odds. & IVF is physically taxing.
Don't play Doctor:You may feel like you are being helpful by reading up on infertility, and there is nothing wrong with learning more about the subject. The problem comes when you try to "play doctor" with your friends. They already have a doctor with years of experience in diagnosing and treating the problem. They need to work with and trust their doctor to treat the problem. You only complicate the issue when you throw out other ideas that you have read about. The doctor knows more about the causes and solutions; let your friends work with their doctor to solve the problem.
Don't be Crude:Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.
Don't complain about your pregnancy:Your infertile friends would give anything to be the one who is pregnant dealing with everything. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.
Don't gossip about your friends condition
Don't push adoption:Adoption is very extensive. There are classes, physical exams, background checks, and not to mention the cost of everything. Some people would rather just not go this route but it is very difficult.
Let them know you care
Remember them on Mother's Day
Support their decision to stop treatments.

In closing, I'm sorry if this was too long. Hopefully someone will see this who was unaware of the etiquette. And on a side note, this is NOT directed to anyone in particular!!!